The Chaos

It's funny the way life is sometimes.

Boring and monochromatic. but then in an instant it's like... I'm wearing pink glasses!

Maybe that isn't the right analogy... circle of life? nah thats taken I think... oh how bout! ...

Yes! The cliche roller coaster analogy!

But I'ma change it, because people always say the highs are the highs and the lows are the lows, right?

Well those people are idiots.

I mean c'mon, the high points of a roller coaster are the most boring parts! Everyone knows its when ur racing to the low points is where the real thrill is!

But forget that...thats not what I'm trying to describe... Its an entirely different feeling.

But...my words are..idk...hiding from me?

I can only describe it as well...

..those moments right before you get on the ride.

That kind of stupid bore and laziness...you complain and wine and you want anything else, literally anything else, than that boredom.

But then, without even realizing it really, you're strapped in.

And in a microfraction of a second you kinda think to yourself,

"Wait, what am I doing??"

But before you even fully comprehend whats gonna happen, or even TRY to think about getting off, it just goes!

(And if you've ever ridden Superman you know what I mean)

You're literally thrown into this whirlwind of motion and vulnerability, and the forces acting upon you are so far beyond your control you don't even really know what to feel...

Heck its just a whole mix of feelings they haven't even invented words for yet!

That....that's kind of how my life's been at the moment. These last few months have been a perpetual day at Magic Mountain. Haha.

Hanging with friends when I can, Waking up earlier than I ever have before, Going to college classes, Meeting people, Learning things!

Aside from the occasional AP English class Lord knows I haven't felt like I was truly learning things since I was in elementary school...

But I can feel myself learning how to think like I've always known I could.

Learning how to use my body in ways I never dreamed I could.

(yea yea that's what she said...I'm talking about ballet! Hahaha)

I've learned how to drive! and be financially responsible for myself...

and (don't find me cold hearted for saying this) I learned how to be resilient.

I learned how to say goodbye to the past, and unapologetically move on.

I'm not sitting around in this lazy funk anymore, and I love it.

Im having my adventures :)

So I guess, thats my life analogy. For Now.

Basically there's the Known. The boredom. That line of never ending anticipation.

And then there's the Unknown. The chaos. The human race's biggest fear.

Pick one.

Honesty

I'm a firm believer in the phrase,
"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade."

I'm an extremely positive person, and it saddens me when others cannot see the opportunities of adversity. I do have my moments of unhappiness where it builds up and I seem miles from where I normally am mentally, but I always work that out on my own. I'll cry or sit down and write it all out, and I'm fine at least 20 minutes later. I'm in the prime of my youth and I honestly don't feel I need anymore wasted time than that to be upset. I've learned how to let go of what pains me, and instead invest my time in knowing everything is always going to be ok.

However, there was one opportunity I felt compelled to keep trying on, despite the fact that it kept holding me in a negative place. A door, you might say, that refused to open itself up to me. Being the stubbornly hopeful girl that I am, I thought, maybe with determination and constant strength I could unseal this door and walk through into a place I thought I wanted to be. It was a negative experience, but with every little nudge and pull I honestly believed I was getting somewhere. I would prove wrong all the naysayers and be happy in the end, despite all the tears. I'm the type of girl who is a strong believer in "I CAN" so quitting never seemed like an option. I had invested so much time already it just seemed like I would be failing.
But with alot of help from those who loved me, I came to realize, whatever was on the other side of this door would never be worth the trouble of what I was going through to get there. Through a series of failed attempts, I decided to stop kidding myself.

Just because I can turn lemons into lemonade doesn't mean I deserve to drink lemonade for the rest of my life.

I've recently graduated high school, and for my future to become what I wish it to be, I've made a promise to myself that I would no longer made lemonade from every single lemon, because there simply is no need to.
The rotten ones go in the trash.

Spring! Finally!!!

(my mommas pride and joy, her blooming flower beds)



Spring is my second favorite season behind summer for one reason:

It means summer is right around the corner! haha.

I love that day when you realize it's too warm out in the sun for a sweater...

When you can throw on shorts and a tee and be super comfy all day.

Spring is the only season that makes it feel more like Santa Maria,

(which is basically a perpetual spring all year long.)

And now that it's spring break Ima catch up on my writing, sewing and reading.

Get a routine down that i can carry back into my last few weeks of school life.

It's sad because I know this also means my Senior year is coming to an end...

but despite that kinda scary fact.... I feel excited.

:] big things are coming. I can feel it.

Best Valentines Day Ever!

Today started off alright,
I woke up to text my besties Happy V-Day
cuz they're the only loves i got at the moment ;)

and then i saw this vid, which, let me be frank,
I fell head over heels in LOVE with!





He really made me want to have a nice day despite being single
and un-involved in the cliche V-Day regime.
(The whole, I-love-u-more-than-u-love-me stuck a chord lol)
I really understood what he means by being proud of urself and just
enjoying the moment!
So I left him a comment and he replied!

"awww! thank you ever so much for that beautiful little comment you wrote on my valentines video sweetheart,

I loved it ever so much...

it really meant alot to me.. :)

I hope your doing well lovely, and

I hope you have a great day (:

Peace. (peeacee, eugh why'd I say that ;))

Levi. :) "

So all in all, I got sum lovin from a Brit!

That's one more thing crossed off my bucket list!

:) and that's made it the best Valentine's Day EVER!

"Peace.... omg thats so stupid, peeeeace?I'm an idiot"
XD

Four Steps Forward, One Step Back...

...but as long as ur still moving forward, that's all that matters :)

Oh My God Buddy You Would Kill Yourself

Sometimes there are circumstances in life that make days seem unworthwhile.

Rain, for instance.

It makes everything damp, and clammy.

You stop feeling your fingers and toes in just a few minutes outside.

You squint cuz u get little rain droplets tryin ta poke your eyeballs out.

(ok dramatic, but aside from all that I promise I like the rain)

And let's not forget wind.

Forget you can't do ANYTHING with your hair that'll last through the day or

that thick sweaters are a must!

Wind makes the dirt fly and empty wrappers soar through the air and

try ta poke ur eyeballs out.

(ok, also dramatic, but that aside I promise I like the wind)

But like an 80's throw away camera, we gotta turn the negatives into positive!

Today was windy, rainy, and looking like a big boring mess!

But, upon my new goal to live every day like an adventure, unexpectedly,

I had one :]

Running like a crazy person in the wind and rain with my newest bestie Nancy to get our textbooks!

I seriously felt like a little kid today freaking out over a giant gate and running away from it roaring like a scene outta Jurassic Park.

Laughing at how stupid it must've looked from a stranger's perspective!

Me and Nancy running and laughing... and then she almost got decapitated by a rogue door!

You know it's an adventure when you almost pee yourself!

:D

And that's what makes those kinds of windy rainy, unpleasantly gray days worthwhile in the end

A good sidekick :]

The End of Un-Adventures

I've been writing forever.

In my mind, on paper, typed out on a computer screen. My whole life. That was it. I've got just about a million things to say and so very little time to say them all.

:) Now I do.

Do have time to talk about that many things I LOVE! including fashions of the past and now, makeup, music, youtube vids, movies, books, life in general! I want to stop saying, later later later, and start having my adventures now. Put all the negative behind me and never look back. Every single day is precious and should be an adventure.

I'm starting Now.